Good Things,....Bad Things

I should start with good things, you know give them more power by being first, right? I haven't posted for 2 weeks, just because I have been too busy, and to drag the laptop around to a good "wireless hookup" spot in the house is a pain. Miss Kassi got her wisdom teeth pulled (yes, all 4) and did great. Except,..we knew she was allergic to codeine, apparently also to any narcotic even remotely related. So for two days and three pain killers later, she was crying, wriggling, unable to sleep, A MESS! She has what is referred to as a "paradoxical" reaction to narcotics. NO more for her. Anyway, we had an oral surgeon who was good about calling repeatedly to get her something she may tolerate. We live about an hr from Portland, so going back to his office,..not really an option on a Fri evening. So,, anyway, that's over with. Denver got his done in May,..so both teens over that mess. Kassi enjoyed her time off from school/physics (which is the current "brow creaser"),....
Denver has a new job. Precision Casteparts, a company in Portland that makes airplane parts, engines, and ?, for Boeing, AeroBus, etc,... It is a big deal company here, and if he stays past the probation phase, he gets full benefits, retirement, pd vacation, etc,.. We have tried to impress upon him how awesome an opportunity it is for him at 18. He has decided to look for a roommate and apt in Portland too. He has not been living with his Dad for about the last 2 months, that was very short lived. He stays with his friend in Woodland. I am really proud of him. He is slowly but surely making his way into the "big world", pretty independently. Still a little hard for me not to worry about him, I guess always going to be an issue for me. We have an agreement that I don't have to know every little detail or where he is at all times, but he must call me at least every 2-3 days to let me know he is alive and well,..wherever he is. He said that he could definitely do that. He came over for dinner the other night, told us about his first day at work and had to get home to "read his manual for work", after sending him off with some groceries, a kiss, and "be careful", he got out of the car and came back in the house to hug me again and say he loved me. Memorable moment .
Donna and her "little dumpling" came for another visit last weekend. She is just getting cuter every day. Not so much crying when Mom hands her off now, and more interested in what is around her. Is rolling over, barely starting baby cereal. See pictures below,.... Donna got her hair cut REALLY short! It looks great on her. She has really pretty features for short hair.


Now,..you've got to admit ,..that is a GORGEOUS baby!
So, being the nurse to my sick girl, encouraging (but not hovering over)the son with his new path, and being the "step" grandma (I made her organic apple/pear sauce) this week, I am trying to love them by being what these little people need. So far, it's going pretty good.
But I have to remind myself,... “Don’t handicap your children by making their lives too easy.“
~ Robert A. Heinlein

Bad things,....The economy is also affecting my workplace with "redistribution" of management. It doesn't seem to be affecting my dept, but has made for an undercurrent of distrust with administration.
More friends have left our hospital to work other places, I don't recognize as many familiar faces in the ICU now. I think I don't do well with change in some areas.
REALLY bad things,...A friend of ours was diagnosed with stage 4 lung CA and mets to the hip, went through chemo and radiation, Dr's could find no sign of it. He is about 50, wonderful family guy. Of course, everyone we knew was amazed at this miraculous healing. While I was so happy for him and his wife,...I felt this nagging doubt. To admit this makes me feel like such a bad, no-faith, Christian. That I couldn't get on board without this nagging undercurrent of knowing metastatic Ca doesn't just "disappear" , made me feel so un-spiritual or like such a doubter in miracles. I just know what I have seen. And healing is not ever based (in my experience) on how faithful, good, spiritual, prayerful, etc,... the patient, or his friends are. I cannot tell you how many families I have seen say to patients,.."if you just have enough faith, if you just pray harder, etc,..God will heal you". It truly turns my stomach. What a load of guilt (and crap) to lay on someone. So ,.this is my weak area,..I am a doubter. Our friend found out this week, his cancer is in every major organ. Extremely metastisized. He restarts chemo tomorrow. I feel angry, disappointed, sad, frustrated....all these things. Hopes up for nothing, no miracle. I would have loved to be wrong, to have anyone say "Ha ha, you just have no faith, told you it was really gone" And for the first time in a long time, I wish this particular cancer patient was not my friend. I'd prefer an anonymous, elderly, life lived and done patient,... no personal attachment. Instead,... I care about him, his wife, and 15 yr old son. I am committed to going to take dinner and sit and offer anything I can. The struggle will be to leave and not go home feeling like he was tricked into a false sense of security.
My job includes reviewing every death in the hospital, the mistakes, accidents, poor judgments, suicides, and traumas,..I'm sure that colors my view.
My good friend in Ca, lost her 2 yr old baby this Easter and his birthday would be this week. My heart aches for her. I see these parents who pay no attention, whose children are just appendages in their self absorbed worlds, and somehow God protects them from harm. Protects those parents from suffering the consequences of their ignorance. I feel bitter and ugly about what I see. The distribution of hurt seems very unbalanced,............. and it makes me struggle.