Bears Got Nothin On Us

Good news,..I am now working 4 days a week. 4 long days, 6am to 4:30-5sh, plus an hr and 1/2 commute each day, but a day off during the week is worth it. And at least 3 days a week Mark and I can commute together, in other words, he can do the driving.

A little FYI, this has been a HARD week. I had an esophageal manometry done this week. To measure the swallowing difficulty I have had for about 10 yrs. In Fresno, 12 yrs ago, they were clear after a barium swallow study that I had very poor muscle function in my esophagus. My current Dr's have decided it was IMPORTANT to know just how poorly it functioned, and this new test was the only way to give them an accurate measurement. Basically from the onset I have dreaded this. The idea of have a tube go up my nose and down the back of my throat to my stomach seemed horrid. I have put down many an NG tube, and I know it is awful, apologize every time, and felt like a real heel every time I did it. Now I have to have one? UGHHH! I kept telling myself, hey, I've had a lumbar puncture, a bone marrow tap, a central line in my neck for two months,..all the things patients say are also intolerable. And I can honestly say,..they weren't really that bad, so surely this won't be as bad as I think right? As soon as the tech stuck the tube in my nose it felt like an icepick through the sinuses, so she tried the other side,.same story. Apparently I have an unusually small nares and sinus passage. Yeah, whatever! So she continues pushing it down my throat thru those small passages while my nose bled, and I started gagging. It felt like she was ripping my face off,..and that is NO exaggeration! Once the gagging started, it continued as I threw up over and over and over. To shorten this miserable story the whole thing takes about 30 minutes while she pushes and pulls the tube, telling you to swallow 5cc of water at a time, while she measures the muscles in your esophagis around the tube. She said she would be doing this 20 times. I was so out of my rational mind with pain and nausea, I couldn't even count. This is so NOT okay! So I swallowed, gagged, puked, swallowed, gagged, puked,..over and over until she had enough measurements. She apologized profusely afterward, telling me it is not usually this bad. "The anatomy in your nose was really tight and you must have a really sensitive gag". Again,..yeah, whatever. I told her that this was every bit as bad as I had imagined, and would rather give birth than ever do this again. I am so not kidding, bring on labor,..with no drugs! She laughed, ...glad I could humor her. After cleaning up my face, I walked out to the car and actually had to talk myself into NOT sitting down on the ground and crying like a 5 yr old. My self pity meter, ....really running high! After 3 days,..my nose and throat,..hardly sore, but still one of the most, if not THE most, horrendous thing I have ever had done.

Roxy and I decided to go pick huckleberries around Mt Adams on Sat. I have mentioned our trips before, she is my favorite little hippie in the world! This is our 3rd yr going picking, and she is truly the huckleberry queen, at least in the ICU, and probably in all of Southwest Wa. She goes all summer, every day off. She is alot of fun, and the conversation is every bit as good as the berries! Kassi usually goes too, but had to work on Sat. Here is Roxy, after lunch, but before our memorable moment!
So after about 6 hrs of picking, and a Pepsi break, we decided to drive to our last spot to get in or last 2 hrs or so. We had stripped down to tank tops, due to the heat. I had a handgun for bears, and Roxy always carries "bear mace", this highly concentrated pepper/chemical spray for bears on her belt. Happily, even though we've seen lots of bear "sign" we haven't seen bears. I decided my gun wasn't needed, unloaded and put it away. She always carries the spray on her belt til we're done. We hopped into the car, ...and somehow the spray canister discharged into the car between us. It sounded like a soda can exploding and hissing, so I whipped toward it (cause I had to see) to see her jump out of the car, as she yelled "get out of the car". Lucky thing for me, I actually did what I was told instantly. We both got a good mouthful, it was all over Roxy's arm, hip and hand, and on my one arm, ankle and the side of my face. We were both outside the car gagging, spitting, choking, etc,... And of course it was BURNING! I grabbed the two waterbottles left in the ice chest, and helped wash her arm off, then washed mine off, and started pouring ice water in my one affected eye. We were quite a sight, anyone driving down the road must have got quite a laugh. After the water was gone, we started using the ice. Roxy got it the worst on her arm and hip. My eye was swollen shut and tearing, we were covered in this orange slime, and scrubbing ourselves with ice. Laughing and snotting, soaked and filthy, slobbering and making wisecracks about at least it wasn't the gun that discharged, ...we were pretty impressive. We had enough paper towels to wipe the majority out of the car as it aired out. After about 20 minutes, I could see out my swollen eye again, and announced to Roxy that I was not blind. She promptly jumped up and asked me if I wanted "to go ahead and pick more berries then? Since you can see?" I responded that "no, I think I've about had enough now you psycho!" She said maybe we should go to the nearest ER in case we were poisoned or something, I said no, I was fine, just burning, and would not need an ER. She decided it had subsided enough for her too. Besides, the bigger issue, ....we would be so embarrassed to go into an ER, two nurses, and say we sprayed ourselves with bear mace, not fighting off a bear,..just because we are idiots. I blathered on about how this doesn't kill people, just hurts, otherwise police couldn't use it right? (Later found out that it sure does kill people!) Anyway, after about 30 minutes, we had iced down enough to drive home. Just FYI, it is an oil base that does not wash off with soap and water, it absorbs into the skin, and the internet offered no good suggestion for neutralizing. Let it wear off, is the best plan. I took a long, very soapy shower anyway. And made good use of the Solarcaine spray. So,..lesson here,..use the safety located on the bear mace. Roxy, just so you know, there is no one I'd rather be maced with! And,..YES,..I absolutely would rather be maced over and over again than have that swallow test!