Techno Heathen Ethicist Mother

Well, that about describes my last two weeks in four words or less. Seemed appropriate as I am always trying to multiask and cram multiple jobs into such a small amount of daylight! My early birthday gift from the husband was a Blackberry. I have had it one week and still have not figured out how to get a picture, see a full web page(not just a column), or put my work calendar on it. So, I plan to implore my coworkers to share their techy skills and bring me into this century. I have to explain the "need" for this tool in my world. Not sure there was one. This is one of the bizarre components of my relationship with Mark. He is a very "gifty" kind of guy, and I have tried to learn to not express a positive opinion about anything unless I want to own it. Most people I know are envious of this trait in our marriage, it has made me leery. Probably due to my past experience with getting gifts, always a string attached. Denver's girlfriend got a Blackberry and I was astounded at all of it's capabilities, thus commented about it. Mark whipped around and said,.."hey, think you'd want one?" My response was (I swear it!) "No, I don't really have a need for one, but they are cool." About a week later I mentioned to Mark that I went by the Tmobile store to see what they have new in the way of new phones ( I am so out of the loop on what is out there) since our contract was about to expire, and that I saw all kinds of things. Just a conversation starter. He abruptly interrupted me to say,.."Don't buy anything, let's just say you will be using a Blackberry next. Happy birthday!" And sure enough guess who had decided I needed a Blackberry, and when it came in silvery pink that was the final persuasion he needed. So, I am enjoying it, very generous,..but let me say I re-vow to watch my language in his presence! Can't hear a word I say about chores or yardwork, but if I "may" be interested in something fun,..watch out! Bless his gift giving heart.
I am a heathen because I have taken to missing church about every other week. Not that I have a particular problem with church or anything there, but the reality is I am not willing to give up 3 (or more) hrs a week to going and the preparation needed to get myself there. So every other week I use that time to catch up on orphanage stuff, letter writing, etc,...things I have a hard time fitting into a regular day. And it makes my weekend feel just a little longer. I think (I'm sure) God totally gets it! Speaking of, I saw a bumper sticker I loved, but am not brave enough to put on my car. It says "YES, JESUS LOVES YOU, BUT I'M HIS FAVORITE",..I think that is so funny!
I spent my last 2 days in an ethics conference. Fascinating and exhausting. It seemed very generalized to healthcare and not particularly specific to many of the issues our hospital struggles with. I was kind of disappointed about that, I think I wanted some specific take away fixes. So besides feeling incredibly overwhelmed by all the wrongs in healthcare, I came away with two basic points,...1)You can't make people do the right thing. You can teach them, tell them, show them, and still some people will inevitably do what benefits them and only them. Some people are already ethical (and you are preaching to the choir), some can be taught, and some couldn't get it if you forced it on them. Fiduciary responsibility requires having a mutual relationship that assumes each person is working in the best interest of the other. A sort of mutual trust. If you had that trust and behavior there would be no need for an Ethics consultant. Reality is: this is pretty rare in any business model anymore, be it banking or healthcare, and often in the blinding light of personal relationships. 2) We have frequent discussions about changing behavior with carrot vs. the stick . I want to be a carrot person, in theory I do, but from my experience, the stick institutes change. At least in the arena I work. With multiple examples to choose from, the (punishment, consequences, etc,..) effects change in the general US society much more effectively than the carrot (reward) for right choices. The carrot eaters indulge to abuse of the system until there is not a big enough cart load of carrots and some group ends up starving to death. SO we came away with the saying : I am like a mosquito in a nudist colony,...I know what to do, I just don't know where to start.



The current nursing statistics brought up in this forum were staggering but not surprising. It was a survey of critical care nurses and how they felt the hospital policy and personal ethics were at extreme odds. Causing at least 28% to regret ever having chosen this profession. Most all of them said they would never recommend it to anyone. Mark said he thought if I at all had the inclination I should go back to school and get my degree as an Ethicist and do that instead of nursing.I reminded him that that was a lovely thought and had crossed my mind many times,..but it is like a degree in philosophy, great to have but only an asset in another job, not a job unto itself. Much as I would like to be paid to sit around and discuss the "right" things to think and do,..not really an option. So til then will continue to review individual patient/staff issues and offer my opinion as long as requested.
And last , but not least we are heading to San Diego in about 3 weeks to see Denver graduate from the Marines. He is still writing frequently and has passed his rifle qualifications with the highest ranking "Expert", says the rest is test and the "crucible". A 54 hr ordeal of little/no sleep, little food or water, with a45 mile hike thrown in with gear and packs. I am so amazed at the maturity I have seem in his letters since he left. The last one, written on Easter, was particularly touching. Apologized for having taken advantage of our relationship and support of him, not being a better son and brother, that he had been raised better than he behaved, thanked us for never turning our back on him, asked our forgiveness for being a selfish teenager, etc,.. and was anxious to make our relationship even closer when he got back on leave. Couldn't wait to hug us, and just see our faces,etc,.. Wow! This is the same boy? You hear about these fairy tale moments. He said he has had time for introspection,..I guess so! I am so impressed with his ease in talking about how he feels and sharing his emotions. I did not expect this! I am SO proud of him! I expect to be the hysterically bawling mother at graduation. I have been told by those who have "been there, done that" that we will hardly recognize him. I have had those moments when I feel I have done a good (and not so good) parenting job, that he is an awesome human being inside and out. He is turning out to be stellar example of a man! This is totally a proud Mama moment!